Along the way...

I didn't feel any fear but thought I should; I just looked at him and slowly started to unfasten the watch from my wrist. His eyes moved to look at what I was doing and then moved back up. That was my tell.

He was standing almost like a fencer, with his right leg towards me, bent slightly at the waist, with his right hand, the one with the knife, outstretched. I just stood flat-footed, facing him and with my hands in front of me, worked to get the watch loose.

As soon as the buckle was unfastened, I held it by one strap and threw it towards him. To be more accurate, I threw the watch past his left arm and put a little oomph behind it. He did what I expected, took his eyes off me and twisted just slightly to his left.

Just as he made his move to get the treasure, I came down quickly on his right knee with my right foot; all 200 pounds of me behind it. The sound a knee makes as the tendons tear is not like the crack of a broken bone, but it is as unmistakable.

Big boy went down immediately and grabbed his knee with both hands, the knife dropping to the sidewalk. I took a step towards him and kicked the knife far enough away that I wouldn't have to worry about it and walked a few more steps to recover my watch. He didn't make any moves in my direction, just rolled from side to side, moaning about the pain. I still had the scotch, hanging from my left hand.

As I picked up the watch, my ride appeared at the curb and I calmly walked over and got in, leaving my the thief rolling on the ground and moaning.

My driver didn't say anything or ask about the drama, just drove me back to where he picked me up. Before I could open the door, he turned around in his seat, and handed me an envelope.

"What's this?" I asked. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I just do what I'm told to do. That's all."

I took the envelope and my scotch, got out of the cab and walked back to my room. Once there, I opened the envelope and took out $3,000. I looked back inside but it was just the money, no letter. I left the money on top of the envelope, opened the scotch and poured some. Next to the kitchen area was a small table, chrome legs and rim, with two mismatched chairs. I sat down at the table to enjoy my drink.

All in all, this was one of the most interesting evenings I've spent in a while, but I didn't feel really high or low and I certainly didn't feel anything for the guy whose knee I just broke.

I'm not someone who fights moral dilemmas over defending myself. Is is and isn't isn't. I don't hold grudges either. The man who tried to rob me will hurt for some time, but I just did what I had to do... his knee was my way out of the situation. It's done.

Now, to the real question. Can I kill someone? How can I decide without knowing why or who? Or, do I need to know anything? I looked out my window, three floors up, and watched some people walk by, on their way to whatever. Men and women going about their daily chores. Could I pick anyone and kill them? No, I don't think so.

I could have killed that guy tonight, if I had to, and I don't think I would feel any different than I do now. So, anyone no, someone yes. But I don't know who I'm going to be asked to kill. I'll wait and reserve that decision until tomorrow.